Author Archives: admin

05/11/12

The Facebook Mobile Challenge

photo credits: blog.memberhub.com

A lot was going around on facebook about this article:  How to Miss a Childhood, in which a mother warns about the possible distractions mobile devices and other modern technologies can cause on parenting.  In an honest evaluation of her own mistakes, she admits being on the phone, texting, playing an app, or otherwise being distracted by her device, at the expense of interacting and giving her children the time and attention they deserve.

 

This heartfelt email, sent to her from a day care provider, served as an eye-opener of the unwelcoming changes she’s made in her mothering style:

 

“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”

 

While I appreciated her openness to admit imperfection as a mother and share this struggle, my first thought was, “Great, another blog post aimed at making moms feel guilty or unworthy.  Now we have to feel bad for checking our email while the kid has a snack? Uploading mobile pics while breastfeeding the baby?” I rolled my eyes in frustration, telling myself, “Come on!  Moms work hard.  Give us a break, and let us play with our toys!” 

 

Then I found myself wondering how guilty I was of these same distractions? I knew I had to give myself an honest evaluation of whether I let facebook, blogging, email and apps, get in the way of my day-to-day interaction with Max.

 

After some self evaluation I graded myself as very interactive with my child, and probably not as guilty of these distractions as this mom claims she is.  For the most part, I do my blogging, emailing, etc, when Max is asleep at nap or bedtime, and I’m not really into many of the “apps” or games on the phone.

 

But, I did find myself guilty of over-using Facebook mobile.  It’s just so easy.  We’ll be playing with toys and my phone will just be sitting there, so I’ll get online and see what’s new.  I do this throughout the day, and admittingly it’s distracting, overdone, and unnecessary.

 

Texting and calling friends and family from time to time is something I think is appropriate.  No kid needs their mom in their face literally 24 hours a day.  I WANT Max to be able to play on his own (with supervision, of course) and I use this time to call and catch up with people I love (I want to sustain more relationships than just the one between me and my son).

 

So with this evaluation, I decided my only abuse was mobile Facebook.  So I deleted the app off my phone.

 

It has been one day, and guess what… I’m still alive!  And it’s actually freeing.  I am checking Facebook now only on the computer (which is out only when Max is asleep).

 

There is a thin line between over-kill mommy guilt and honest room for evaluation and improvement as a parent.  As a mom, of course we deserve some fun, some distraction, and some alone time.  But for me, personally, I never want to have to admit that I abused these rights.

 

I dare you to join me in the Facebook Moblie challenge by taking Facebook off your mobile device!! I owe it to my child to be really present and in the moment.  OUR moment…not the moments of other people via facebook.  I’m proactively protecting myself from feeling like I missed out on my son’s childhood, my marriage, my friendships, and the world right in front of me…. It’s way too precious.

05/10/12

A giveaway! Thirsty Hearts Design

My talented friend, Angie, has finally opened up her own Etsy shop and I couldn’t be more excited!!

 

I love Ang’s style.  Simplistic and thoughtful.  (Just like Ang!)

 

In her giving style, she has opened up a chance for a reader to win one of her designs from the new Thirsty Hearts Design shop.

 

Here are some of my favs from her collection:

 

 

So this is how to enter for a chance to win:

 

Make a comment under this post

 

Or

 

Make a comment on Stay at Home Worker Facebook page

 

Or

 

Be a “Follower” by clicking on the bottom right hand button and entering your email (note: if you chose to be a follower you will automatically be entered to win this and future drawings!)

 

 

Good luck! We will draw a winner next Friday!

 

 

 

05/9/12

WAHM Tips

A sorority sister and fellow mommy facebooked me yesterday and said: 

 

ok. I will begin working from home June 4.
I need pointers.
I have J scheduled for 2 days a week preschool, but that doesn’t start until August 16. So he’ll be home with me all summer (and I have my grandmother to come help us).
What do you do to juggle it all and make it all work?

 

It’s taken me 24 hours to think about it and actually be brave enough to sit down and respond.  For the most part, I don’t know how I make it work… I just do!  For one, because I have to.  And two, because this is how it’s been since Max was born and I just deal with it.

 

Knowing that in no way would that help or answer her question, I decided to write this blog post with my five best tips for juggling ”mommy” and “mommy at work”.  Here they are!

 

1.  Give all your attention to the task at hand:

 

With all the talk of multitasking (and I love to do it myself) I have found that this skill is more detrimental for a WAHM than it is helpful.  My rule of thumb has always been to give whatever I am doing the attention it deserves. When Max is awake and I’m not working, Max gets my full and undivided attention.  I don’t have him play with toys while I type on the computer for three hours.  We play, we talk, we interact.   Likewise, when it is work time, it is full-on, 100%, concentrated work-time.  There are a few occasions where I will need to immediately respond to a work email or make a phone call.  In these cases, I do let Max have a snack in his highchair, or watch a 15 minute show.  But for the most part,  I try to give my mind to whatever I am doing at the time.  This is good for Max for obvious reasons, but it is also good for my work.  It makes me more efficient than multitasking and less prone to an error.

 

2. Get help!

 

With family far away and a very busy husband, I have been known to teasingly refer to myself as a ”single mom.”  The reality is, I have a lot of help.  I just have to plan and utilize it as efficiently as possible.  When my husband is home, I utilize that opportunity to get work done.  For example, sometimes he takes Max with him as he runs at night.  Kid and husband out of the house means I open my laptop and get working… even if it’s 6:00 p.m.  Likewise, when my parents or in-laws are in town, I take advantage of the babysitting and get a few hours of work in while they watch Max.  Even when I don’t have “lots” to do, I try to look ahead and proactively find things I can do now while I have  the help.  We have also enrolled Max into preschool about 6-8 hours a week, which has freed up additional time.

 

3.  Prioritize:

If I wasn’t a WAHM, I would probably experiment with more interesting dinner recipes, clean my house until the bannister shined, and make bread from scratch.  Unfortunately, I don’t have time to do those things, because I’m working instead.  So we spend a little money to make a little money.  For example, we hired a cleaning lady.  It was a much more cost efficient way to get the house clean.  She cleans, and it frees up time for me to work.  Rather than cooking 7 nights a week, we usually order in or go out 1 to 2 nights for dinner.  It’s fun, and it takes some pressure off of me trying to balance “it all”.  I prioritize by putting Max’s needs first, then work, then “extra” things around the house like cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc.  Your priorities may be different, which is fine.  Just know what they are and create a plan around them.  The key is to not be too hard on yourself!! You can only do so much, and some things just have to give!

 

4.   Be efficient:

 

There are a TON of time wasters.  Say….. this blog….. for example!  Between email, shopping, facebook, blogging, etc, etc, a whole nap could disappear before I realize I haven’t even checked work email.  The only way this WAHM situation works for me is because I am extremely dedicated and always do my work first (then play!)  Being efficient has become routine for me at this point, but it was an acquired skill.  I do the tasks at work that require the most attention (calculations, analysis, writing) when I have a lot of time and am able to focus, while I leave more routine work tasks (such as deleting or responding to emails) to a time when I’m more tired or less focused.  Usually this means doing the hard and least fun stuff first.  The heavy lifting.  You have to have a lot of self control, structure, and time management.

 

5.  Secret Weapons:

 

Weekends.  Waking up early (yes, it sucks!).  Staying up late (yes, it sucks!). Babysitting co-ops.  Delegating (or outsourcing) work and home responsibilities. Saying “NO” to people when I just don’t have the time!  And most importantly—putting my family first!

 

Good luck to my friend and all WAHMs!! It’s not easy, but I truly believe it’s the best of two worlds!! 

 

04/27/12

Party Pack Giveaway!

So everyone knows by now I love Etsy.  Just good, hand-crafted, quality, original stuff. I came across this store, SIMONEmadeit, and thought he had some great party packs for kid’s birthdays and other celebrations.  So I asked him to host a giveaway, and he graciously said yes!  Here are a few examples of his work (many, many more on his Etsy shop, website, and facebook page) but these are some of my personal favs:

 

Candyland themed party:

 

Very original Spy Themed Party:

 

Top Chef Party:

 

Great for a summer birthday, Sunshine themed:

 

Under the Sea:

You can win a party package of your chosing through this contest! Here’s how to enter:

Make a comment under this post

Or

Make a comment on Stay at Home Worker Facebook page

Or

Be a “Follower” by clicking on the bottom right hand button and entering your email (note: if you chose to be a follower you will automatically be entered to win this and future drawings!)

 

Good luck!  We will draw a winner next Friday!

04/25/12

Free Kid Outings

I definitely don’t work from home so we can blow all our money on toys and activities with Max.  Plus, who wants a spoiled kid?

 

Here are some things we do that are great freebies!  Since he’s only 1 year old, there a lot of things he’s still too young for, but we’ll figure those out with age!

 

Library: Not only are there a TON of books there that we don’t have at home, there’s also kid computers, train table, puzzles and reading nooks.  Also special events such as story time, arts and crafts, and special guests.

 

Bookstore:  Our non-public library, as I refer to it.  Also lots of books, story time, and most importantly, just a change of scenery.

 

Parks:  Fresh air, Vitamin D, and good old fashioned free fun. 

 

Pet Store:  Mini (and free) version of a petting zoo.  Max loves going to Pet Smart!  We see dogs, cats, fishes, turtles, birds, and whatever else they have on display.  You’d think he was at the San Diego Zoo the way he gets so excited to walk in there! 

 

Mall Playground:  Lots of malls have indoor playgrounds.  They can be dirty and crowded, but we are lucky enough to have a pretty nice one.  The trick is to go when the mall is open, but the stores still aren’t (you know, like, when the mall walkers first get there!)

 

 Baseball games:  In the spring/summer, there is almost always a baseball game to catch at a local field.  It’s not MLB, but kids don’t care!  We’ve gone to games where we don’t know anyone playing… it’s just to get outside and play!

 

 Stroller Rides:  Exercise for mommy and an opportunity to meet up with a friend to walk with, or call one on the phone.

 

Free Under Age……. There are all sorts of places you can go and kids under “age X” get in free.  We did this a lot his first year of life with our local children’s museum.

 

Firehouse tours: Many times local fire departments will host free tours for young children, allowing them to get inside a fire truck or view the fire house.

 

School productions:  Lots of schools have holiday or seasonal productions that are free to the public such as concerts and plays.  Local universities can offer the same.

 

Fast food playgrounds:  So these usually don’t end up being free, because next thing you know we’ve ordered ice cream or something, but still a great idea for rainy days.  McDonalds, Burger King, Chick Fil A, etc often have great indoor (and outdoor) play equipment.  Like the mall playground, try to avoid peak hours.

 

Picnics:  Pack lunch and eat outside.  Viola—a great way to get out of the house for awhile!

 

Look out for local events: Our community has great free events like movies on the lawn, concerts in the park, farm day, holiday shows, farmers markets, etc.  Find out what’s going on in your community by searching online or asking friends and neighbors.

 

 

04/23/12

Group Benefits

It’s open enrollment time for us, and I love this time of year! (DORK!) Getting to organize the upcoming benefit year for our family brings me peace of mind and security. 

 

I recently did our family’s open enrollment online, choosing health care and dental options, long-term disability and life insurance, and for the first time for us—both a Flexible Spending Account for Medical and Flexible Spending Account for Dependent Care (ie, Max’s preschool).  All of this will help reduce our monthly after-tax pay, which means less money each year to old Uncle Sam.  That makes me happy :)

 

Here is some information I wrote recently for my Money Matters column in Kentucky Living magazine.  Hope it helps others going through open enrollment.  Can you feel the excitement in the air!?

 

Group Benefits

As an incentive to employees, most employers offer group benefits to eligible employees.  Commonplace are benefits such as health, dental and vision, life, disability, and long term care insurance, retirement plans, stock options, health savings accounts, and flexible spending accounts.  Here are some things to consider regarding your groups’ benefits:

 

Do your own research:

These decisions will have a great impact on your family’s everyday life (such as health insurance) and your family’s future (such as retirement).  Therefore, it’s prudent to devote time, effort, and research before you enroll in any benefit.  Ask your employer questions.   Read over the pamphlets, discuss with your financial or tax advisor, and do some research online.  Consider attending open enrollement info sessions if offered by the provider, free of charge.  Visit the provider’s website for details of benefits, financial calculators, FAQs, and other tools to navigate the process.

 

Review other options:

Many times, purchasing  insurance through a group policy can be cost effective and especially helpful to those with pre-existing conditions.  However, don’t just assume this to be the case.  Compare what is offered with your group to individual life, disability, or long term care insurance you could obtain outside the company.  Even if it’s not cheaper, it may provide more flexibility, options, and continuity than your group benefits.

 

Follow up:

Be your own advocate. Monitor your benefits throughout the year, rather than only during open enrollment.  Major life changes such as a birth of a child, divorce, or marriage, usually mean the employee may make changes to benefits mid-year.  Write down notes during the current benefit year of changes you’d like to make come next open enrollment.

04/23/12

Checking your credit score

You’ve seen the (annoying) commercials, urging you to “Get your free credit report today!”

 

Though advertised campaigns and not public service announcements, I encourage readers to indeed, review your credit report for free online.

 

Recently, I checked mine out, assuming to find nothing but on time payments and business as usual. However, I was devastated to discover a charge from a credit agency of $70. It was tearing my credit score apart. I did not recognize the company, the charge, nor had I received any types of notices or information from them about this alleged outstanding balance.  Yet I was being penalized–greatly!

 

I followed the dispute process to have it removed, as I encourage readers to do if they feel there is unfair information on your report. (Note that I had to dispute it with all three major credit agencies separately.)  They also informed me that it may take 30-90 days for your credit report to update this information–even if it was fraudulent or found to be incorrect.  Thus, if I would have applied for any type of loan during this time period, my credit score would have reeked havoc on the terms of such loan.

 

You can check out your credit online at www.annualcreditreport.com.  The law provides one free credit report annually.  This is the only website endorsed by the Federal Trade Commission for receiving your free annual credit report, provided by the law. 

 

Since the reports given by all three major credit agencies are usually very similar, consider checking your report quarterly, each time from a different agency.  There are also other situations that may allow you to receive more than one free credit report annually.  These are outlined on each of the major three credit agencies websites:  Experian, TransUnion, and Equifax.

 

Be cautious however, of sites that want you to purchase your credit score. More importantly is reviewing the information on your report to find any errors or omissions (as I did) that affect your golden score.

04/20/12

Things that MATTER

It’s so easy to get caught up in things that DON’T MATTER.

 

Schedules.
Work.

Trying 20 different recipes to trick your kid into eating brocolli (I mean, he HAS to eat veggies, right?)

 

When these are things that don’t matter, really.

 

Every now and then I like to throw a pity party for my life.  The autrocity of having to live far away from family.   The unfairness of David’s work schedule.  The sacrifices I make to work from home and earn an income for our family.

 

Blah…. blah…. blah.

 

These are things that don’t matter, really.

 

I have a dear friend who has something going on in her life right now that DOES matter.  She has a sick child.  In and out of the hospital… meeting with doctors…. tests, bloodwork, and needles.  Stuff that really matters.

 

How small my problems must seem to her.

 

I am trying to keep things in perspective and focus on the important things in our life.  Time and health… two things I’ve come to appreciate more lately.

 

Instead of worrying about money, I’m grateful we have more than enough to provide shelter, food, clothes, and even fun. 

 

Instead of worrying about living far away from family, I’m grateful for the life I have right here in West Virginia, every day, with people I love.

 

Instead of worrying about David’s schedule, I’m grateful that he has a job where he can make a difference in the lives of others…. in things that really matter.

 

04/17/12

Big boy backpack for preschool!


This week we started Max in “preschool”.  He will be going 6-8 hours a week (it’s not much, but enough to get a chance to learn outside the home and socialize with other kids). 

 

So of course he needed an adorable back pack to carry all the necessities the school requires he bring each day (like sunscreen, diapers, change of clothes, etc).

 

Stephen Joseph makes these ADORABLE back packs!!  I think they are perfect for toddlers.  My sister’s kids have similar ones.  There are tons of patterns to chose from. 

 

You get the idea… they are cute!

Makes me feel like I have a big boy and not a little baby anymore! Sigh!