Category Archives: More than a WAHM

05/11/12

The Facebook Mobile Challenge

photo credits: blog.memberhub.com

A lot was going around on facebook about this article:  How to Miss a Childhood, in which a mother warns about the possible distractions mobile devices and other modern technologies can cause on parenting.  In an honest evaluation of her own mistakes, she admits being on the phone, texting, playing an app, or otherwise being distracted by her device, at the expense of interacting and giving her children the time and attention they deserve.

 

This heartfelt email, sent to her from a day care provider, served as an eye-opener of the unwelcoming changes she’s made in her mothering style:

 

“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”

 

While I appreciated her openness to admit imperfection as a mother and share this struggle, my first thought was, “Great, another blog post aimed at making moms feel guilty or unworthy.  Now we have to feel bad for checking our email while the kid has a snack? Uploading mobile pics while breastfeeding the baby?” I rolled my eyes in frustration, telling myself, “Come on!  Moms work hard.  Give us a break, and let us play with our toys!” 

 

Then I found myself wondering how guilty I was of these same distractions? I knew I had to give myself an honest evaluation of whether I let facebook, blogging, email and apps, get in the way of my day-to-day interaction with Max.

 

After some self evaluation I graded myself as very interactive with my child, and probably not as guilty of these distractions as this mom claims she is.  For the most part, I do my blogging, emailing, etc, when Max is asleep at nap or bedtime, and I’m not really into many of the “apps” or games on the phone.

 

But, I did find myself guilty of over-using Facebook mobile.  It’s just so easy.  We’ll be playing with toys and my phone will just be sitting there, so I’ll get online and see what’s new.  I do this throughout the day, and admittingly it’s distracting, overdone, and unnecessary.

 

Texting and calling friends and family from time to time is something I think is appropriate.  No kid needs their mom in their face literally 24 hours a day.  I WANT Max to be able to play on his own (with supervision, of course) and I use this time to call and catch up with people I love (I want to sustain more relationships than just the one between me and my son).

 

So with this evaluation, I decided my only abuse was mobile Facebook.  So I deleted the app off my phone.

 

It has been one day, and guess what… I’m still alive!  And it’s actually freeing.  I am checking Facebook now only on the computer (which is out only when Max is asleep).

 

There is a thin line between over-kill mommy guilt and honest room for evaluation and improvement as a parent.  As a mom, of course we deserve some fun, some distraction, and some alone time.  But for me, personally, I never want to have to admit that I abused these rights.

 

I dare you to join me in the Facebook Moblie challenge by taking Facebook off your mobile device!! I owe it to my child to be really present and in the moment.  OUR moment…not the moments of other people via facebook.  I’m proactively protecting myself from feeling like I missed out on my son’s childhood, my marriage, my friendships, and the world right in front of me…. It’s way too precious.

05/10/12

A giveaway! Thirsty Hearts Design

My talented friend, Angie, has finally opened up her own Etsy shop and I couldn’t be more excited!!

 

I love Ang’s style.  Simplistic and thoughtful.  (Just like Ang!)

 

In her giving style, she has opened up a chance for a reader to win one of her designs from the new Thirsty Hearts Design shop.

 

Here are some of my favs from her collection:

 

 

So this is how to enter for a chance to win:

 

Make a comment under this post

 

Or

 

Make a comment on Stay at Home Worker Facebook page

 

Or

 

Be a “Follower” by clicking on the bottom right hand button and entering your email (note: if you chose to be a follower you will automatically be entered to win this and future drawings!)

 

 

Good luck! We will draw a winner next Friday!

 

 

 

04/27/12

Party Pack Giveaway!

So everyone knows by now I love Etsy.  Just good, hand-crafted, quality, original stuff. I came across this store, SIMONEmadeit, and thought he had some great party packs for kid’s birthdays and other celebrations.  So I asked him to host a giveaway, and he graciously said yes!  Here are a few examples of his work (many, many more on his Etsy shop, website, and facebook page) but these are some of my personal favs:

 

Candyland themed party:

 

Very original Spy Themed Party:

 

Top Chef Party:

 

Great for a summer birthday, Sunshine themed:

 

Under the Sea:

You can win a party package of your chosing through this contest! Here’s how to enter:

Make a comment under this post

Or

Make a comment on Stay at Home Worker Facebook page

Or

Be a “Follower” by clicking on the bottom right hand button and entering your email (note: if you chose to be a follower you will automatically be entered to win this and future drawings!)

 

Good luck!  We will draw a winner next Friday!

04/17/12

Big boy backpack for preschool!


This week we started Max in “preschool”.  He will be going 6-8 hours a week (it’s not much, but enough to get a chance to learn outside the home and socialize with other kids). 

 

So of course he needed an adorable back pack to carry all the necessities the school requires he bring each day (like sunscreen, diapers, change of clothes, etc).

 

Stephen Joseph makes these ADORABLE back packs!!  I think they are perfect for toddlers.  My sister’s kids have similar ones.  There are tons of patterns to chose from. 

 

You get the idea… they are cute!

Makes me feel like I have a big boy and not a little baby anymore! Sigh!

03/21/12

First year baby supplies we couldn’t (and could) live without

There is SO much STUFF accumulated with a new baby.  Between baby showers and shopping online with crazy pregnancy hormones (bad idea!) a new mom can end up with so much unneeded baby junk. 

 

Here are 5 things I could not have lived without and 5 things I very easily did live without during the first 12 months.

 

Must haves:

1.  Quality Running Stroller

I’m not a runner.  And this is still one of my favorite things we have.  Initially, we didn’t get one because they are quite pricey and we weren’t sure we’d even use it.  But then a friend was selling hers, barely used, so we jumped on that opportunity.   We have a BOB Ironman Single Stroller and we love it.

 

David takes Max out on runs with him and it’s win-win-win.  Max gets fresh air, David gets to spend some time with Max and it also improves his training, and I get time alone while they run!!  That alone time is worth every penny :)  

 

Running strollers are also just so much smoother and nicer of a ride.  Good investment for people that plan to really use it.  Plus it’s just nice to have 2 strollers.  One for each car, or one for my car and the other to keep in the garage for walks.

 

2.  Babywise book

I’ve talked about this so much before, I’m sure you are over it.  But I can’t recommend it highly enough for those moms that appreciate and enjoy predictability and routine.  You can read my review on the book here. 

 

3.  Personalized baby book

My aunt barbie bought all three of my older sisters baby books when they were born.  Five years later, when it was me being born, my aunt was taking care of her own 3 week old newborn, my cousin Ben.  She was a little too preoccupied to run out and buy her niece a baby book.  And so was my mom.  Thus, I have no baby book.  My mom bought one for my 25th birthday and started filing it out… better late than never.

 

Even with so much documented through blogs and social media, nothing can replace the traditional, old-fashioned, must have Baby book.

 

4.  Infant Seat

Not only did Max sleep in this seat for the first few weeks of life, it was my go-to place when I was alone with him and needed to put him down for a bit.  I remember moving that thing all around the house—to the bathroom so I could take a bath or shower, to the kitchen so he could watch me cook, and even to the porch on a nice day for fresh air.  The infant seat vibrated, played music, and had a belt to strap the baby in securely.  As he got a little older, he’d sit in it for awhile holding a toy or two.   

 

5.  A Fan

One night I read that a fan in a baby’s room could reduce the risk of SIDS.  I guess from the additional circulation of air.  Well, the second I read that, you better believe I had David get in the car and go buy a fan.  He came back with a $5 fan from Wal-Mart.  He said it would work for now, until we purchased a better one.  But the $5 one has turned out to be all we needed.  It is LOUD so it doubles well as a sound buffer.  Mommy slept better at night, knowing we had a fan in there, and I think Max slept better as it blocked out a lot of the noise.  Great investment for $5!

 

Better off Without:

1.  Monitor

I know what you’re thinking, “No monitor!! What the heck? This coming from the same woman that sent her husband out at 11 pm for a fan?”  We did not use a monitor, and honestly, it has been the most liberating experience.  I know this won’t work for everyone, but if the layout of your house permits you to easily hear your child, I recommend it. 

 

Because I was so worried at the beginning about SIDS,  having a monitor–especially a video one–would have just made me even more paranoid.  I would never have fallen asleep—I would have just watched or listened to every little thing on the monitor, over analyzing whether he skipped a breath or not.  I never would have slept.  Which means I would’ve been a crappy mom the next morning.

 

I ALWAYS woke up when Max cried out.  In fact, I oddly found myself waking up an instant BEFORE he cried out (motherly instinct??) Either way, I never had trouble hearing him the old fashioned and organic way– after all, we were only down the hallway.

 

2.  Shopping cart seat cover

I categorize this as “extra crap” babies r us tries to make us think we need.  I know some moms love these things, but I thought they caused more trouble than they were worth.  The idea is to cover up a highchair at a restaurant, or the front seat of the shopping cart at the grocery.  But honestly, I used ours maybe two times ever. 

 

Every single day—at least once if not many times a day– Max is transferred to a high chair or a shopping cart.  The idea of loading around this big fluffy seat and transporting it each time we go some where was way too overwhelming.  I would’ve driven myself crazy.  Instead, Max sits directly in a highchair at a restaurant, and directly in a shopping cart at the store.  He has not contracted some crazy germ-like grocery cart disease, and seems to be perfectly comfortable riding along without the extra padding. 

 

It sat in our trunk, taking up valuable space for months.  Better off without this.

 

3.  Diaper Bag

Of course we need something to carry all the baby stuff, but not necessarily a “Diaper Bag.”  I simply went to TJ Max and purchased a cute, brown leather oversized purse that I carry around as our diaper bag.  It fits everything, and I’d rather carry it than the traditional baby bags.  I also have an old coach purse I love, it’s also brown leather, and huge—I pop things in there as well and head out the door.

 

4.  Diaper Genie

 

Let’s get real.  Sh*t stinks. 

There is no magical trashcan that can change the inevitable.

My sister passed down her diaper genie to us–we did not purchase one.  And let me tell you… it stinks!! 

 

Of COURSE it stinks!! We throw dirty diapers in the thing!

 

The best way to keep the smell down is to have a small trash can with a lid and to take it out very often.  That’s it… that’s the only secret.  Sh&t smells.

 

5. Nursing covers

This was kind of like the shopping seat cover to me—more trouble than it’s worth.  I never really fed in that public of areas anyway, where I’d really feel the need to use this.  It collected dust in the corner of the nursery closet.  Max didn’t like using it (kind of can’t blame him—seemed dark and suffocating in that thing) and he’d fight to get out from under it.

 

If we were out and about I usually fed Max in the car and didn’t need this.  I used it one time on the airplane—but again, more trouble to take it along than  worth it.  On the next plan ride I wore a shawl instead, and used that to cover myself.  Sure, these nursing covers are cute, coming in a variety of colors and patterns, but that’s where the excitement ends.

03/9/12

Should I be a work from home mom?

Yesterday was one of those days!  The kind that make you question what the heck your plan is, and if it is working as you imagined.

 

I actually cried yesterday from the stress of it all.  I have not cried over work-mommy balance in a long, long, time.  It often frustrates me, but I usually find a way to lift the weight off my shoulders and move on (read, I just pour a glass of wine!)  Rarely it gets to tears… but it did yesterday.

 

David is out of town for a conference in Texas.  That didn’t help the day.  Even though he works long hours here, it’s nice just knowing that even if it’s midnight when he gets home, he will eventually come home for the evening.  Being out of town is different.  He is enjoying his trip—learning a lot of great information (and also having some fun with the other ortho guys at night.)  He’s thankful for the opportunity the hospital gave them by sending the residents down there.

 

With David gone, Max having an ear infection, and it being a very busy week at work, the perfect storm was a-brewin.

 

I often struggle with the work thing, always asking myself “Is this what’s best for our family?”

 

That’s all David and I want to know– “Is this what is best for our family right now?”

 

As long as the answer continues to be “yes” I will continue to work.  If the answer ever changes, so will our plan.

 

Every one deals with this balance.  And everyone’s answer is different.

 

For now, me working is what is best for our family.

 

Like I’ve mentioned before, we could live off David’s salary.  But at what expense?  We are not willing to give up traveling to Kentucky or other places for Max to see family—and that takes money. 

 

We are not willing to give up saving for retirement or college—and that takes money.

 

We are not willing to give up trying our best to make even a dent in these student loans—and that takes money.  (Ok, David would probably be willing to give this up and deal with the consequences later when we have a better income.  But these loans make my tummy rollover!)

 

And we are not willing to give up the luxury we have of doing fun things for ourselves, for Max, and for our family. 

 

All of which we would have to give up without my income.

 

I also know that giving up my job would only trade a stress for a stress.  I would no longer stress about work.  And instead, my stress would focus around the budget.  “Can we afford this?  Can we do this? Should we really be splurging at Ihop today?” 

 

And I don’t want that.

 

I cannot make myself stress about eating at IHop!

 

After 4 years of college and 4 years of medical school, David is ready to just enjoy his life!  He does not want to live like a broke med student any longer and I cannot at all blame him.

 

Besides the money, I remind myself what a wonderful work situation I have.  To be able to work from anywhere means I can travel to Kentucky any time I wish.  It means I can take Max to the doctor, the park, a play date, any time of day I wish.  It means I can help David when his schedule seems unbearable.  For having to work, it could not be a better situation. 

 

One of the things I read online when I was pregnant and trying to decide whether I should work from home with Max, was an article in Parent’s Magazine, that discussed the arrangement of work at home moms.  It made a good point….. which was– how much attention are you giving to your child when you work at home?  If you are ignoring your child too much while you work, they are better off in a day care type environment. 

 

I couldn’t agree more.

 

This is another thing I monitor very closely in our arrangement.

 

Right now, I can honestly say, that 99% of the time, work does not stand in my way of doing anything with Max.

 

I only work when he is napping.  I couldn’t “play” or “interact” with him during that time anyway. 

 

Every now and again, there will be a situation where I need to send an email, or check on something for work that is urgent.  When that happens, Max might get a snack in his high chair, or watch a 20 minute TV show, or play with some toys in his crib.  All of which he loves.

 

No guilt there.

 

So Max would never know that I even work during the day.  I also get up early, or do work when he is in bed.  Or on weekends when David is home.  Or when we have babysitters.  I don’t know exactly how I do it.  But it gets done.

 

I write this post because for all the cheerleading I do for work at home moms, there are times when it gets the best of me.  When I think, “I cannot be everything to everyone!!!”  or “Something has to give!!”

 

I am more than grateful for my work at home position.  It feels good to use my talents and to help provide for my family.

 

But I will always, always, always be a Mom first. 

 

Yesterday reminded me of that.  Reminded me that regardless of the stresses of work, my first job was to snuggle, kiss, and love over my little boy with the ear infection.  To give him everything first.

 

In a few months, we will be starting Max in a preschool part-time.  We are thinking very part time—maybe half days two times a week.

 

This has nothing to do with working from home, although it should relieve some of the pressure.  This is something David and I have always said we wanted to do at a certain age for Max’s benefit.  We want to expose him to other kids, to teachers, to playgrounds, to music class, to all these wonderful things children can learn in a school environment. 

 

Give him a change of pace from seeing these same walls at home every day and my face 24 hours a day.  Although we do a lot of playdates, I still would like to see him interact with kids on a routine basis.  And I know he will love it!  He LOVES other kids—he basically shakes with excitement when we are out in public and he sees another kid stroll by.

 

So that will help with my work and still make me feel like the answer is Yes.

 

Yes, there is no permanent damage to our child being done.  Yes, it is worth it.

 

And most importantly, Yes, this is what is best for our family right now.

 

 

 

 

 

03/7/12

Cute St Patrick’s Day Shirt

Max’s St Patrick shirt came in the mail today and I love it!  I am not disappointed!  I ordered it from an Etsy shop (I love to support the handmade things you can find there!)

 

Close up!

 

Ta Da! How cute!

The shop owner said there’s still time to get your own St Patrick’s Day shirt ($17.50).  Or, check out some of her other ADORABLE custom made shirts!!! Here are some of my personal favs.

 

 

03/6/12

Just the Two of Us!

David and I try hard to always make sure we have adult time together.  I think it’s really important to our marriage and to our family as a whole that we foster that relationship, even though it can be so easy to get caught up in the world of Max. 

 

My goal as a parent has always been to remain well rounded.  To be more than “just” a mom.  I still have responsibilities as a sister, friend, daughter, wife, aunt, etc, and while Max is obviously my first priority, I want him to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around him alone.  Or any ONE person for that matter.

 

Thus, David and I love to bring the grandparents in town, and get out just the two of us!  Sometimes we go to dinner or a movie, and sometimes we are fortunate enough to go away on a weekend or overnight getaway.

 

To ease my mommy guilt, I always remind myself that it’s a “Win–win–win” situation.  David and I love the alone time, the grandparents LOVE the time with Max, and Max enjoys his special visit with his grandparents.  We all win!

 

 So this Saturday night we went to Pittsburgh while Nonna and Grandad stayed with Max.

 

I.Love.Pittsburgh!!

 

I don’t know why I feel drawn to that city.  Every time we go it’s freezing cold!  And we usually get lost!  I just think it’s a cool town.  Very different from other cities.  The triangle layout is so unique.  Lots to do as far as entertainment, shopping, food, and sports.   It was nice to be in a big city.

 

In a weird way, it reminds me of a very large Louisville.  The way it sits on the river(s) is so pretty.  This is where the Ohio river begins, so it makes me feel nostalgic for Kentucky.  I always think, “Wow, I could take a boat on that river, and in a few days, end up in Louisville.”  What a trip that would be. 

 

Even the car ride up there (about an hour) was nice, because it was JUST THE TWO OF US!  

 

We pulled up to our hotel (thank you Priceline) and it was beautiful!!  I love to stay at unique and old hotels with some character when we travel, rather than finding just the closest holiday inn.  Using priceline, it was about the same price, anyway, and so much nicer.

The hotel lobby reminded me a little of the Brown Hotel.

 

Then we went off to explore downtown Pittsburgh.  As luck would have it, Saks Fifth Avenue was going out of business.  I couldn’t believe it!  60-80% off EVERYTHING!  So of course I made David go in there with me.  I went straight to the kids stuff thinking I could get Max some awesome deals. 

 

Umm, yeah, if I was willing to spend $111 for a Burberry baby sweater—and that was on discount.  I couldn’t believe the prices of some of the stuff.  Who pays that for kid clothes???? 

 

We walked further through “the square” and found The Rink.  We had seen it on our last trip to Pitt, but this time, we decided to live a little and participate.  It was SO fun!!! I had never ice skated before.  But I saw all these kids sliding around all over the place, so I figured if they could do it, we could do it!

 

It was a perfect addition to date night!  They had great music playing and we just skated around the rink for awhile.  I got the hang of it fairly quickly.  We loved it so much that David is already talking about getting Max in ice hockey!

For dinner, we rode the Duquesne incline up to the top and had dinner where we got engaged, at Georgetowne Inn.  It was delicious!!!  Fried Zucchini, fillet mignon, huge baked potatoes, bread, cheese, dessert, beer……..Beautiful window seat view of the city.  This is a picture from riding up the incline.  Can’t wait to take Max. 

 And after that….well we are old…. and abandoned any plans of getting a drink somewhere in the city and instead bought a bag of gummy bears from the hotel gift shop and snuggled up to watch some T.V. 

 

The next morning we met our friends that live in Pittsburgh for breakfast.  They are from Kentucky and live up there for his job.  It was wonderful company.

 

We walked from our hotel to breakfast, which was about a mile, but we wanted to see more of the city, and that we were able to do.  I was just thinking how much I liked Pitt until I saw this shirt for sale on the street……..

 

 
We met for breakfast at Deluca’s  in the Strip District.  Our friend said he saw the place on Man vs. Food, so were anxious to try it.  It lived up to the hype, despite waiting in a line outside to get in.

 

Then we shopped at a local market across the street and bought some awesome cheese that is now gone and a bag of coffee beans for Nonna and Grandad.

 

Right as we left the snow begin to fall and we knew it was time to go home.  Over all, we were gone for about 24 hours.  Just enough to spend some good QT together without dying to see my baby boy!!

 

About an hour after getting home, david was paged to go into work….Max and I ate canned chicken noodle soup for dinner….. and just like that I knew we were officialy back in the real world………….


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