Tag Archives: WAHM Blog

05/11/12

The Facebook Mobile Challenge

photo credits: blog.memberhub.com

A lot was going around on facebook about this article:  How to Miss a Childhood, in which a mother warns about the possible distractions mobile devices and other modern technologies can cause on parenting.  In an honest evaluation of her own mistakes, she admits being on the phone, texting, playing an app, or otherwise being distracted by her device, at the expense of interacting and giving her children the time and attention they deserve.

 

This heartfelt email, sent to her from a day care provider, served as an eye-opener of the unwelcoming changes she’s made in her mothering style:

 

“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”

 

While I appreciated her openness to admit imperfection as a mother and share this struggle, my first thought was, “Great, another blog post aimed at making moms feel guilty or unworthy.  Now we have to feel bad for checking our email while the kid has a snack? Uploading mobile pics while breastfeeding the baby?” I rolled my eyes in frustration, telling myself, “Come on!  Moms work hard.  Give us a break, and let us play with our toys!” 

 

Then I found myself wondering how guilty I was of these same distractions? I knew I had to give myself an honest evaluation of whether I let facebook, blogging, email and apps, get in the way of my day-to-day interaction with Max.

 

After some self evaluation I graded myself as very interactive with my child, and probably not as guilty of these distractions as this mom claims she is.  For the most part, I do my blogging, emailing, etc, when Max is asleep at nap or bedtime, and I’m not really into many of the “apps” or games on the phone.

 

But, I did find myself guilty of over-using Facebook mobile.  It’s just so easy.  We’ll be playing with toys and my phone will just be sitting there, so I’ll get online and see what’s new.  I do this throughout the day, and admittingly it’s distracting, overdone, and unnecessary.

 

Texting and calling friends and family from time to time is something I think is appropriate.  No kid needs their mom in their face literally 24 hours a day.  I WANT Max to be able to play on his own (with supervision, of course) and I use this time to call and catch up with people I love (I want to sustain more relationships than just the one between me and my son).

 

So with this evaluation, I decided my only abuse was mobile Facebook.  So I deleted the app off my phone.

 

It has been one day, and guess what… I’m still alive!  And it’s actually freeing.  I am checking Facebook now only on the computer (which is out only when Max is asleep).

 

There is a thin line between over-kill mommy guilt and honest room for evaluation and improvement as a parent.  As a mom, of course we deserve some fun, some distraction, and some alone time.  But for me, personally, I never want to have to admit that I abused these rights.

 

I dare you to join me in the Facebook Moblie challenge by taking Facebook off your mobile device!! I owe it to my child to be really present and in the moment.  OUR moment…not the moments of other people via facebook.  I’m proactively protecting myself from feeling like I missed out on my son’s childhood, my marriage, my friendships, and the world right in front of me…. It’s way too precious.

05/10/12

A giveaway! Thirsty Hearts Design

My talented friend, Angie, has finally opened up her own Etsy shop and I couldn’t be more excited!!

 

I love Ang’s style.  Simplistic and thoughtful.  (Just like Ang!)

 

In her giving style, she has opened up a chance for a reader to win one of her designs from the new Thirsty Hearts Design shop.

 

Here are some of my favs from her collection:

 

 

So this is how to enter for a chance to win:

 

Make a comment under this post

 

Or

 

Make a comment on Stay at Home Worker Facebook page

 

Or

 

Be a “Follower” by clicking on the bottom right hand button and entering your email (note: if you chose to be a follower you will automatically be entered to win this and future drawings!)

 

 

Good luck! We will draw a winner next Friday!

 

 

 

05/9/12

WAHM Tips

A sorority sister and fellow mommy facebooked me yesterday and said: 

 

ok. I will begin working from home June 4.
I need pointers.
I have J scheduled for 2 days a week preschool, but that doesn’t start until August 16. So he’ll be home with me all summer (and I have my grandmother to come help us).
What do you do to juggle it all and make it all work?

 

It’s taken me 24 hours to think about it and actually be brave enough to sit down and respond.  For the most part, I don’t know how I make it work… I just do!  For one, because I have to.  And two, because this is how it’s been since Max was born and I just deal with it.

 

Knowing that in no way would that help or answer her question, I decided to write this blog post with my five best tips for juggling ”mommy” and “mommy at work”.  Here they are!

 

1.  Give all your attention to the task at hand:

 

With all the talk of multitasking (and I love to do it myself) I have found that this skill is more detrimental for a WAHM than it is helpful.  My rule of thumb has always been to give whatever I am doing the attention it deserves. When Max is awake and I’m not working, Max gets my full and undivided attention.  I don’t have him play with toys while I type on the computer for three hours.  We play, we talk, we interact.   Likewise, when it is work time, it is full-on, 100%, concentrated work-time.  There are a few occasions where I will need to immediately respond to a work email or make a phone call.  In these cases, I do let Max have a snack in his highchair, or watch a 15 minute show.  But for the most part,  I try to give my mind to whatever I am doing at the time.  This is good for Max for obvious reasons, but it is also good for my work.  It makes me more efficient than multitasking and less prone to an error.

 

2. Get help!

 

With family far away and a very busy husband, I have been known to teasingly refer to myself as a ”single mom.”  The reality is, I have a lot of help.  I just have to plan and utilize it as efficiently as possible.  When my husband is home, I utilize that opportunity to get work done.  For example, sometimes he takes Max with him as he runs at night.  Kid and husband out of the house means I open my laptop and get working… even if it’s 6:00 p.m.  Likewise, when my parents or in-laws are in town, I take advantage of the babysitting and get a few hours of work in while they watch Max.  Even when I don’t have “lots” to do, I try to look ahead and proactively find things I can do now while I have  the help.  We have also enrolled Max into preschool about 6-8 hours a week, which has freed up additional time.

 

3.  Prioritize:

If I wasn’t a WAHM, I would probably experiment with more interesting dinner recipes, clean my house until the bannister shined, and make bread from scratch.  Unfortunately, I don’t have time to do those things, because I’m working instead.  So we spend a little money to make a little money.  For example, we hired a cleaning lady.  It was a much more cost efficient way to get the house clean.  She cleans, and it frees up time for me to work.  Rather than cooking 7 nights a week, we usually order in or go out 1 to 2 nights for dinner.  It’s fun, and it takes some pressure off of me trying to balance “it all”.  I prioritize by putting Max’s needs first, then work, then “extra” things around the house like cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc.  Your priorities may be different, which is fine.  Just know what they are and create a plan around them.  The key is to not be too hard on yourself!! You can only do so much, and some things just have to give!

 

4.   Be efficient:

 

There are a TON of time wasters.  Say….. this blog….. for example!  Between email, shopping, facebook, blogging, etc, etc, a whole nap could disappear before I realize I haven’t even checked work email.  The only way this WAHM situation works for me is because I am extremely dedicated and always do my work first (then play!)  Being efficient has become routine for me at this point, but it was an acquired skill.  I do the tasks at work that require the most attention (calculations, analysis, writing) when I have a lot of time and am able to focus, while I leave more routine work tasks (such as deleting or responding to emails) to a time when I’m more tired or less focused.  Usually this means doing the hard and least fun stuff first.  The heavy lifting.  You have to have a lot of self control, structure, and time management.

 

5.  Secret Weapons:

 

Weekends.  Waking up early (yes, it sucks!).  Staying up late (yes, it sucks!). Babysitting co-ops.  Delegating (or outsourcing) work and home responsibilities. Saying “NO” to people when I just don’t have the time!  And most importantly—putting my family first!

 

Good luck to my friend and all WAHMs!! It’s not easy, but I truly believe it’s the best of two worlds!! 

 

04/25/12

Free Kid Outings

I definitely don’t work from home so we can blow all our money on toys and activities with Max.  Plus, who wants a spoiled kid?

 

Here are some things we do that are great freebies!  Since he’s only 1 year old, there a lot of things he’s still too young for, but we’ll figure those out with age!

 

Library: Not only are there a TON of books there that we don’t have at home, there’s also kid computers, train table, puzzles and reading nooks.  Also special events such as story time, arts and crafts, and special guests.

 

Bookstore:  Our non-public library, as I refer to it.  Also lots of books, story time, and most importantly, just a change of scenery.

 

Parks:  Fresh air, Vitamin D, and good old fashioned free fun. 

 

Pet Store:  Mini (and free) version of a petting zoo.  Max loves going to Pet Smart!  We see dogs, cats, fishes, turtles, birds, and whatever else they have on display.  You’d think he was at the San Diego Zoo the way he gets so excited to walk in there! 

 

Mall Playground:  Lots of malls have indoor playgrounds.  They can be dirty and crowded, but we are lucky enough to have a pretty nice one.  The trick is to go when the mall is open, but the stores still aren’t (you know, like, when the mall walkers first get there!)

 

 Baseball games:  In the spring/summer, there is almost always a baseball game to catch at a local field.  It’s not MLB, but kids don’t care!  We’ve gone to games where we don’t know anyone playing… it’s just to get outside and play!

 

 Stroller Rides:  Exercise for mommy and an opportunity to meet up with a friend to walk with, or call one on the phone.

 

Free Under Age……. There are all sorts of places you can go and kids under “age X” get in free.  We did this a lot his first year of life with our local children’s museum.

 

Firehouse tours: Many times local fire departments will host free tours for young children, allowing them to get inside a fire truck or view the fire house.

 

School productions:  Lots of schools have holiday or seasonal productions that are free to the public such as concerts and plays.  Local universities can offer the same.

 

Fast food playgrounds:  So these usually don’t end up being free, because next thing you know we’ve ordered ice cream or something, but still a great idea for rainy days.  McDonalds, Burger King, Chick Fil A, etc often have great indoor (and outdoor) play equipment.  Like the mall playground, try to avoid peak hours.

 

Picnics:  Pack lunch and eat outside.  Viola—a great way to get out of the house for awhile!

 

Look out for local events: Our community has great free events like movies on the lawn, concerts in the park, farm day, holiday shows, farmers markets, etc.  Find out what’s going on in your community by searching online or asking friends and neighbors.

 

 

04/20/12

Things that MATTER

It’s so easy to get caught up in things that DON’T MATTER.

 

Schedules.
Work.

Trying 20 different recipes to trick your kid into eating brocolli (I mean, he HAS to eat veggies, right?)

 

When these are things that don’t matter, really.

 

Every now and then I like to throw a pity party for my life.  The autrocity of having to live far away from family.   The unfairness of David’s work schedule.  The sacrifices I make to work from home and earn an income for our family.

 

Blah…. blah…. blah.

 

These are things that don’t matter, really.

 

I have a dear friend who has something going on in her life right now that DOES matter.  She has a sick child.  In and out of the hospital… meeting with doctors…. tests, bloodwork, and needles.  Stuff that really matters.

 

How small my problems must seem to her.

 

I am trying to keep things in perspective and focus on the important things in our life.  Time and health… two things I’ve come to appreciate more lately.

 

Instead of worrying about money, I’m grateful we have more than enough to provide shelter, food, clothes, and even fun. 

 

Instead of worrying about living far away from family, I’m grateful for the life I have right here in West Virginia, every day, with people I love.

 

Instead of worrying about David’s schedule, I’m grateful that he has a job where he can make a difference in the lives of others…. in things that really matter.

 

04/16/12

Saving for college just got even better!

So, I am a big fan of Upromise.  I’ve written about it before (click here to read about the program and how it helps parents save for college).

 

Since I found out about the program a few months ago, I have earned over $70 for Max’s college fund.  All by buying things online and through the Upromise website, that I would be buying anyway.

 

As an example: we are doing construction on our home and I used the program to purchase all our building supplies at Lowes.com.  Lowes contributed 5% of my purchase amount to Max’s 529 plan.  It’s ridiculously easy!  Free money.

 

In April, Upromise made it even easier to utilize their program by having all participating stores offer 5% contribution on all purchases, every day.  (Contribution rates used to vary from store to store and could be as small as 1%).  With 5% now being the minimum percentage contributed, it’s even easier to accumulate savings.

 

Some stores offer even more than 5%, and sometimes stores will run “specials” in which they temporarily increase their contribution rate. 

 

You can also use the program to pay down college loans with SallieMae (not just save for college) though we decided to use the program for Max.

 

It’s free money, people!!  You can sign up easily at their website and find more information, including their FAQs about how the program works. 

 

 

Join Upromise 728x90

04/13/12

An end to mommy wars!

This week, the Mommy Wars blew up as Democratic strategist Hillary Rosen commented on CNN that Ann Romney (wife of presidential hopeful Mitt Romney) “never worked a day in her life” referring to her choice to stay at home and raise 5 boys.

 

Since her comment, the media has been flooded with commentary on stay at home moms vs career moms, debates on whether child-raising is indeed a “career” choice, and the economics behind it all.

 

To all of this, I’d like to say:  shut up.

 

Stay at home.  Go to Work.  Work from home… Whatever.

 

The idea that which option you choose from this list completely defines who you are as a woman is mind boggling to me.

 

As women—and especially as mothers—we need to be supporting one another and encouraging the freedom we have in CHOICES.  

 

Some women want to stay at home and not work in the traditional employement setting.  Good for them.

 

Some women want to leave home, go to the office, and pursue a full time professional career outside the home.  Equally good for them.

 

It is a choice all mothers make.

 

No one makes you be a stay at home mom (no, not even the economy, although so many want to blame it on that.)  You CHOOSE to be a SAHM.  Yes, it is very hard work.  Yes, you face many daily struggles that working moms don’t.  Yes, you are sacrificing your own career aspirations, an income, and a social life with coworkers to stay at home and change poopy diapers.  But this is a choice SAHMs make.

 

Similarly, no one makes career women go to work every day (no, not even the economy).  It is a choice you make.  Yes, it is very hard work.  Yes, you face many daily struggles that stay at home moms do not.  Yes, you are sacrificing time with your kids, money for childcare, and a portion of your sanity.  But this is a choice working moms make.

 

If you are a SAHM and think you have it “so bad” then make a change in your life and see if a career outside the home suits you better.  If you are a working mother and you think you have it “so bad” then make a change in your life and see if staying at home suits you better.  The choice is yours to make, and that’s the beauty of it.

 

The idea that we would debate which class of women have it “harder” is tiresome and pointless.

 

Yesterday in Hartford, Romney said about Obama, “I was disappointed in listening to the president as he’s saying, ‘Oh, Republicans are waging a war on women.’

 

The reality is that WOMEN are waging a war on WOMEN. 

 

And it has to stop.

 

This week, the media brought attention to the subject, but it is a timeless issue that’s been debated for decades, often at the expense of making women on both sides of the issue feel guilty, inferior, or just down right confused.

 

I know plenty of wonderful moms that work outside the home.  They are no better and no worse as parents, as wives, as mothers, as friends, than the women I know that stay at home to raise their family.

 

Likewise, their kids are no more smarter, cuter, or happier.

 

I think as women, we want there to be this extravagant difference in working moms vs stay at home moms.  It helps us justify the lifestyle we’ve chosen.  After all, what’s the point in “sacrificing” an income, a life, a career, to stay at home with your kids, if the outcome for your family is going to be the same as a mom who didn’t make such sacrifices?

 

Working moms want to feel like the sacrifices they make are “worth it” too. 

 

Thus, a war between who gives more, who works harder, who sacrifices the most, and whose kids are all the better for it, develops.

 

Maybe staying at home vs working doesn’t make as big of a difference on our children or family as we think it does, and that truth makes some moms feel uncomfortable.  So they have to convince the world, and themselves, that they are martyrs.

 

When in reality, there is no evidence to show that either side is able to consistenly raise more superior kids than the other. Raising good kids really comes down to the quality of parenting.  To think it is anything else is naive. 

 

I know plenty of kids that were raised by SAHMs that received less attention, love, and support than kids whose parents worked.  And vice-versa.

 

Instead of debating an endless topic, I would like to see women support other women.  Encourage diversity in our choices.  Respect and appreciate the mere fact that we as women are lucky enough to have these kind of choices. 
 

Support other moms.  Not moms just like you… but all moms.  That is what your kids need to see.  That is the message that should be spreading. 

 

 

 

03/28/12

Ice Cream Baby Shower

My dear friend (and sorority Big Sis) is having a baby girl!!  To celebrate the upcoming arrival of Zoe, we threw an Ice Cream baby shower full of sweets, games, and lots of presents for the mommy to be.

i made these cones myself—very easy to do.  Just dip in chocolate and roll in nuts, sprinkles, or other toppings.  We served waffle bowls dipped in chocolate as well.

 

 

I also made these cupcakes in a cone.  My mom used to make these for us when we were kids.  So easy!

 

 The hostess with the mostest, miss elizabeth, serving guests.

 

guest of honor—glowing!!

 

adorable banner made by an Etsy shop, TwinsMomMade. sparkly and girly! We hung it over the gift table–lots of goodies for Zoe!

 

for guests to guess Zoe’s arrival date, inches, and weight

 

erica’s turn to guess! we blindfolded her and had her guess baby items— she has not quite yet figured out that this is a nursing bra :)

 

we also played the sock game—how many matches of baby socks can you make when the timer is a clickin?

 

and of course, all good parties start with good invites!  I ordered these from an Etsy shop, Unique Paper Creations.  She customized them specifically for our party (the above photo is only a sample.)  For Zoe’s we said:

“A baby Girl, it’s Erica’s dream, let’s celebrate Zoe with sweets and ice cream!”

 

And celebrate we did!  We can’t wait for Zoe to make her arrival this spring!!!

 

you should know (the fine print):  I received the ice cream banner and the invites for free in exchange for featuring them in this post.  Also, thanks to my friend, Amelia, for providing most of these great photos!

03/25/12

Support a Mom Sunday! Boogie Snatcher

I love this new product!  My sorority sister recently trademarked this awesome new baby product to safely clean your baby’s nose.

The Boogie Snatcher is an infant nasal cleanser, aimed at being less invasive but just as effective as the traditional bulb syringe, Q-tip, or other nose cleaning devise.

 

The Boogie Snatcher looks like tweezers (with short and rounded tips for safe use) and is a gentle and easy way to remove mucus from a newborn’s nostrils. 

 

The Mom behind the magic, Lori, said she was frustrated with the nose-cleaning options for her own infant son.  She found a similar product from Japan, but there was nothing like it on the shelves here in America.  Thus, Lori, a self starter and business entrepreneur, created the Boogie Snatcher in 2011.

 

You can purchase one for your baby (buy two and receive a discount) or learn more about the company by visiting the website:  www.boogiesnatcher.com

 

Best of all, 10% of all sales are donated to Kiva, to help alleviate poverty.

 

You can also enter to win one on this blog!  Follow Stay at Home Worker and automatically be entered to win.  Simply click on the “Follow” button in the corner of the screen and enter your email address.

 

A winner will be drawn April 1.

 

Support a fellow Mom and small business owner!  Very proud of my sorority sister for taking an idea and putting it into a tangible, useful, marketable product.

 

You can also visit Lori’s blog and read her story: 

www.boogiesnatcher.com/blogs/news

 

Note: If you have previously “followed” Stay at Home Worker, you are automatically entered for this and all future give aways!